I used to be so envious of women on TV who could cry those nice neat slow tear streaked cries. Granted it was probably fake and just some type of eye drop trick, but even still it didn’t stop the jealousy. Here I was always getting these red rimmed puffy eye lids and blotchy faced. And rather than slow streaks from my eyes, I would start getting them out of my nose. And then the tears would finally follow. Crying for me was not a pretty sight is what I am trying to get at. And to this day it still isn’t. But something has changed for me. A deep sorrow has come in my life, that now makes it so easy for the tears to start spilling. The red blotchy face and booger streaking nose have no time to catch up with the tears I catch running down my face when this sorrow hits. I no longer envy that perfect tear streaked face from the women on TV. Because even though they may have been acting and it was all fake, I know the cost of that look. That cost was losing someone very precious to me.
There is a repeating description of this thing called grief and it is that it comes and goes in waves. There are good days and then bad ones. It is even in just moments; one moment you are ok and the next it’s this overwhelming flood of emotion(s). Something comes to your attention that brings you back to a memory or just a reminder of the person and thats all it takes. The sorrow is always constant, and it just might be the new normal. You try to be grateful for the time you got to have with the person, but a deep bitterness threatens to replace it because you just want them back. But what good will it do to give into this bitterness? It will never bring them back.
So you come to a cross roads. You can live in the bitterness and be surrounded by despair for the rest of your life. Or maybe you can walk another path that allows you to live in the sorrow, but not in despair. A path that allows you to see how blessed you were to have been loved by them and to have loved them in return. One that hopes in a day you can meet them again in heaven. You see, one path lives a life keeping God out of the picture. It’s one that doesn’t allow Him in because you put the blame and hate on Him for the hurt. But the other path lives trusting in a God that gave (and is still giving) the best gift of being able to experience love. And that love will never die because we can hope in the promise of eternal life.
Despair wants us to lose sight of the hope we have in Christ Jesus. It tries to separate us from the love we have in Him. But Romans 8:38-39 says that nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God. Yes the battle is hard and the pain is real. And sometimes it feels like God is against us. But if we would just walk out on the crashing waves and have the courage to trust that God’s love really will never be separated from us, than maybe we can walk the path that leads to hope even in the hardest of times.
God’s love is near to the brokenhearted and He saves those crushed in spirit (psalm 34:18). He will heal and bind up our wounds (psalm 147:3). Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted (Matthew 5:3-4). These promises I will hold tight to. My soul desperately needs them, because it is the truest hope I have. Psalm 23:5 mentions that God makes our cup overflow. He provides infinitely more than we can imagine. Yet here in this place my cup feels empty, like I’ve run dry. My face may be streaked with tears, but my soul thirsts. In this desperation to fill my cup again, I know the only place to go is to God. So it is here I start to cling. It is here I take a gulp of the living water. It is in this place that He restores my soul. Grace is more alive here. Love is so much more intimate. I can truly say that I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord.
“Jesus wept” (John 11:35). This statement has been such a comfort to me in this season. It just goes to show the depth of Jesus’s love for us. He was weeping because of the death of His good friend, Lazarus. He was mourning with the loved ones around the grave. And I know He was doing the same for my dear sister and friend. Jesus was there in our pain and will continue to be in this grieving process. For His love is great. So it is this path I will walk, the one with Him along side me.
I am praying for anyone else who may be experiencing grief. I pray you would remain at the feet of Jesus, clinging to His promises. I pray you experience the greatness of His grace and love in this hard time. He is faithful and good. I pray your heart can be softened to that truth. Trust in Him as He shows you more of His heart.
God Bless you,
Sincerely,
The Blessings Girl.
theblessingsgirl 