Mona Lisa

Wandering off to a higher vantage point, I sit myself down on a movie theater style fold up chair. Lights down low, illuminating lights from the stage. Guitar notes strung, piano keys pressed giving a melodious tune. Voices hum setting the tone. Worship begins. I close my eyes separating myself from it all. Mind racing, I search for ways to shut it off. Folded hands, I sift through the thoughts lifting them up in prayer. Yet still I am restless. This anxious tick won’t stop ticking. I feel like I am about to explode. Ears attentive to the singing voices, yet no words soothe. Just breathe. What is wrong with me?

Drifting down the stairs, I make my way back to friends. I sit with knees curled tight to my chest. Quiet voices echo as the stage empties. Friends laughing with one another, giving each other a knowing look of a joke just shared. I look forward, a small smile on my face, pretending I am a part of it all. Inside, mind alert searching for any indication that I am still loved; still wanted by them. Protective jealousy stirs up anger on one friend for another. As if I am the only one who can have the attention on her. Pulling the knees tighter against my chest, I look down in shame and disgust. What is wrong with me?

The speaker begins to speak. Words of depth and conviction are spoken over the crowd. And when he is finished, people are asked to step forward to help hand out prayer cards and pens. They make their rounds. It gets to me. I am handed three cards and three pens to pass down. Looking over I see my friends already have some coming from the other end. So I sit. An abundance of prayer cards and pens in hand. And my mind is finally blank. I know what the speaker asked of us, but my hands don’t move. I have nothing in mind to write. I stare at my hand full of pens. And then amidst the blank state of my mind, an image of a woman sketched comes to it. My hand that loves to sketch longs to draw the image. But I know I am not that skilled, always looking better in my mind than in actual execution. Yet this sketched woman still comes, persistent. The detail is so magnificent; you can just tell the dedication and precise strokes it took to make. Not just a willy nilly sketch on the back of your notebook, but one that is in the works of becoming a Mona Lisa. And I just knew. God was speaking right to my heart.

When you spend your whole life amounting yourself up to a willy nilly sketch on the back of a notebook, its kind of hard to accept that God is making you into a Mona Lisa. And when you ask yourself at least a dozen times a day “What is wrong with me?” its kind of hard to grasp that every aspect of you was deeply thought out with immense dedication and precise stroke lines. The God of the universe thought of me? Made me? And fearfully and wonderfully might I add! What? The God almighty loves me fiercely and without end? How? Why? Did He not just see the disgusting thoughts I had toward my friend? Did He not just see how I couldn’t even take ten minutes to praise Him because I was so consumed with self thoughts? Does He not know of the lust and pride and deeply disturbing thoughts I am tempted with? Can He not see that I am filthy, that I am so unworthy? Can He not see?

But He does see. He sees Mona Lisa. He sees the masterpiece He is making of me. I am the one who cannot see. Yet He gave me a glimpse. He gave me hope. Hope in knowing that I am not stuck in my filth and shame. Hope that despite it all His love will remain unending; that nothing I do can screw that up. My worth is not based on peoples opinions or even the opinions I have of myself. My worth is solely based on the fact that I am made by a God who is greater than this world and all it tries to tell me of who I am. What I am is loved. Wanted. Known. Beautiful. I am a Mona Lisa in the making; a masterpiece in the works. I am His.

We are all Mona Lisa’s in the making. It may be a long process, but none the less it is leading to a masterpiece. God is not done with you. He is creating you with such detail and dedication. Let Him work. Watch what He does. His love can do some pretty amazing things if we can just learn to sit back and let it happen. Surrender. Let Love in.

God Bless,

Love,

theblessingsgirl

Blistered Heart

I spent this past weekend at my family’s cabin getting in quality family time and working on a much needed tan. My weeks consist of staring out the only window at work, watching the nice summer days pass right on by; it was nice to get out and enjoy whats left of it. But even nice relaxing weekends at the cabin can’t stop the need for work to be done. In between sunbathing and swimming, weeds needed pulling and sand needed to be turned to soften up and dry out. A good portion of the work time I was using a rake to turn up the sand, and my hands did not appreciate this work so much. After the work was done, I ended up acquiring three painful blisters. My hands weren’t used to this work, they weren’t prepared.

When I was working on the sand I didn’t even notice the pain. I was focused so hard on getting the work done. It wasn’t until my mini breaks, as I loosened my grip on the handle, that I noticed the throbbing. Layers of skin pulled back, exposing a fresh raw layer underneath. When the pain started building and becoming more noticeable, I finally caved and ran to get bandaids to protect against further damage. And it was in this seemingly insignificant moment that I made the connection that the state of my hands is the same as my heart.

Rough, raw, ruined. Bruised, broken, bitter. Hurting yet simultaneously healing. This is the state of my heart. Just as my hands worked with the rake, so my heart has worked with grief and heartbreak. The depth of the pain going unnoticed, until crumpled up naked weeping on the bathroom floor; so caught up in the distraction of busyness. But blisters will not go unnoticed. So it is there on that floor that I give into bandaging up my wounds. It is there that I surrender, giving up on my own strength to get me through the battle. And it is there that Jesus meets me. Slowly filling the hurt with sweet promises and truth – making my heart begin to trust again. Comfort of a hope and a future gives purpose to my pain; that even this can be used for good. And even though I have absolutely no clue of the thoughts and ways of God, I have faith that He is good in all of this. He is for me, not against me. I am still loved. I am still cared for. I am still wanted. And I have to believe that somehow all of this is molding and renewing me into a better version of myself. He is using this. He is at work.

A day has passed and the blisters on my hands are already healing. No longer are they fresh raw layers of skin, but in place of that are tiny wrinkled cracks forming to match the wrinkles of the older skin around them. The pain has subdued to only a tiny sting when touched. If they had been worse, I am sure scarring would have eventually occurred. Thankfully that is not the case this time, but I can not say the same for my heart. Some wounds cut too deep, making it impossible to go back to the way it was before. They leave scars and new normals. But the thing I like about scars is that they tell a story. This past season will be a forever scar, and I am ok with that. It is from this scar that I get to tell the story of Jesus at work; that He is real and still very near. This scar brings the deepest sorrow, but it also gives me the greatest joy. I have never known God’s love so deep before, so for that I am thankful.

Thanks for letting me share my heart. To other blistered hearts out there, I am with you and feel for you. But I also pray that this blistering turns to a beautiful scar that tells of God’s great love for you. Don’t let it harden you. Let love in.

God Bless,

Love,

theblessingsgirl

 

“Sand for the Toes”

The title of this blog is a phrase I saw in the documentary of Kara Tippetts called The Long Goodbye- The Kara Tippetts Story. It was in a brief clip that probably would have gone unnoticed if I hadn’t recently had an impactful moment connected to this phrase – Hence the reason for it being the title and inspiration for this blog. I don’t know the impact and significant meaning it holds for Kara, but I know what it means to me.

I was meeting with a sweet friend, having conversation and catching up. Soon, with heavy hearts, we got deep and shared hurts. My friend honestly shared of her longing to be in a season of “beach walking”; of feeling the sand between her toes. And I was longing right there with her. But after she spoke those words another thought came to mind: that sand is crushed rock. I began to think on that and came to a conclusion. Maybe it is in these hard, hurting places – when it feels like we are stepping on sharp rocks – that we are actually preparing the ground for our sandy beaches. Maybe our seasons of “beach walking” are only truly appreciated after having gone through the battle of rock crushing.

In this season I have been drawn to a lot of scripture, but one in particular is Genesis 32:22-32. It talks of Jacob wrestling with God, and how he continued to fight until he received his blessing. There have been countless times that I’ve been tempted to throw in the towel and give up the fight. But I realize that I don’t want to miss out on receiving God’s blessing. I don’t want to miss out on receiving the fullness of joy in God’s presence just because the rocks seem too much to bear. I don’t want cheap earthly pleasures – as an alternative – when I can fight to be in the presence of God in all circumstances.

God never promised life would always be walking on sandy beaches. Rather, He warns that we will have trouble in this world. But! He tells us to take heart because He has overcome the world (John 16:33). Our ultimate blessing isn’t receiving materials and wealth, but receiving God Himself. To know that there is a God who goes before us and has plans to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). And as hard as it is to trust – especially when it is painful – that He does have thoughts and ways that are higher than our own (Isaiah 55:8-9). And He is working it all out for our good (Romans 8:28).

So I will keep these truths as “Sand for the Toes.” That despite the state of my circumstance, I will keep fighting to receive the blessing here. And as hard as the fight may be I will go from strength to strength on this pilgrimage of faith (Psalm 84:5-7). I am not in a season of “beach walking,” but I am grateful to look back and see that I am no longer on sharp rocks either. The more I have wrestled the more the rocks have weakened and chipped away. It is less of a sharp pain and more of a dull ache now. I still have my moments, and I always will, but I see hope breaking through. It is just the beginning to the sand between my toes.

I am praying for any of you who are in similar seasons, and I hope to God you can begin the pilgrimage to “beach walking” again.

God Bless.

Love,

theblessingsgirl

Suffering that Hopes

Let them in. Let them see. Hold this up to light. Watch as the filth is washed clean. Watch as a heart of stone becomes a heart of flesh.

Weakness threatens to destroy when really what power can come from weakness.

Such anger ripping and tearing the fabric of relationship. Expectations unmet and desires unfulfilled. Judgement and bitterness destructively breaking hearts. Selfishness overshadowing love. Hands clenched, unwilling to surrender; suffocating death grip. Joy stealing comparison. Grief stricken sorrow questioning Goodness and Faithfulness. Pain searing heartbreak. Death. Fear filled prisoner. Shame filled disgust. Self-hatred and lust.

My heart wrestles. My heart hurts. Overwhelming amounts of emotion weighing me down; feeling so stuck in this hard, hurting place. Not wanting to be a burden to man, I hide. But it’s in hiding that I find life. Because what may be a burden to man, is light in the hands of God.

Naked and exposed. Grief filled weeping at His feet. Silent whispers of His promises. Declarations of faith to rise above the deafening lies. Morning devotions that become lifelines for the day. Tear stained pages as I write out my hearts plead for help. Praise filled surrender. Trust strengthened. Joy filled sorrow of what used to be, but looking ahead to the hope that is in Jesus. Redeemable messes. Wounds that heal. Grace that overflows. A love like no other.

And then I emerge. Mending still in process, yet just strong enough to endure out of hiding. Bold enough to love on others in their own suffering; ripe enough to empathize. Weakness that meant to kill, only grew love stronger when tested by the flames.

From death comes life.

“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold” (Job 23:10).

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ” (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).

Your pain is not in vain. There is a life giving message to be experienced in this season. Don’t miss it. Grab hold of it, fight for it. Demand the blessings. Declare His promises. Do not give up. You can rise from the ashes. New life can emerge.

God Bless you,

Love,

theblessingsgirl

Sitting, Skating, Dancing

A new truth came alive to me tonight. Well at least a new truth to me. Many have probably come to know this truth at some point or other in their own life. But each truth comes to us uniquely at just the right moments in whatever seasons we are facing. So to me, this truth came in a winter analogy as I am facing what seems to be a wintery season. And how fitting it is as it is currently winter where I live.

As I stood eyes closed about to receive prayer from the young adults lead pastor, I catch a glimmer of light reflect off what I assume is a guitar (since the worship leaders were setting up for worship in that moment) and it instantly takes me to the thought of the sunlight reflecting off of the wavy waters of a lake. And it’s as if I am there, back to the summery days of sitting on the dock catching the warmth of some rays, with my toes submerged in the lukewarm water. I start to long for it. But I am quickly brought back to reality as I realize it is just the beginning of winter and I am far from those peaceful summer days. I can’t be thinking like this now, I will just sink myself further into a depression if I do.

With eyes still closed, half listening to the prayer being spoken, the image of me on the dock with my toes in the water slowly starts to change. Everything gets a little bit whiter rather than having the golden glow of summer. Crashing waves beneath my feet are now stilled into rock solid ice. And what once were bare feet are now snuggly laced up in ice-skates. I am all bundled up in the warmest clothes and puffed up in a large coat. No longer is this winter looking to be like such a downer, not when you can find at least one thing to find joy in in the midst of it.

And then I recall a peaceful sweet testimony from a dear friend of mine. It was there on that solid ice that she gave her life to Christ. She had told me of a time long ago where she got away on that ice to have a moment of reflection and praise and just talking to Jesus. In the midst of the bitter cold of winter, she had found a moment of joy that would change her life forever. Even though my friend is gone, her testimony still lives on. And it’s as if it is beckoning me to join in; to find my joy in the midst of the bitter cold. It’s as if my friend is beckoning me to come join her. But not only her; Jesus is beckoning me as well.

I sit at the edge of the dock and I sense I am not the only one there. I look over and see Jesus all bundled up as well. His skates all snug and tight ready, with anticipation, to get out on the ice. He looks at me and asks, “Are you ready to skate? Will you join me on the ice? Ill even teach you to dance out there!” “Yea Jesus, I’m ready to skate. I’m ready to dance with You,” I reply.

I want you to know that no matter how bitter and cold your winter season may seem, there is always a way to find joy in the midst of it. It may feel as if your world is falling apart and that the cold has sucked out all the hope you had, but just know that hope is found in trusting Him. He is beckoning you to trust Him on the ice. It won’t be easy, because if you are anything like me when it comes to skating, you will fall flat on your face and wobble around as you try to keep your balance. But all the while He will be with you, hand reaching down to help you up again and steady you. And once you’ve gotten the hang of it, He will then teach you to dance. He will teach you the way of joy in the midst of your winter season. It is possible my friends, it just takes time. And a whole lot of trusting in the Lord. Even when it doesn’t make sense, He will make sense of it all. Even when it hurts like hell, He will make it well with your soul.

Keep skating my friends. And eventually you will even learn to dance on the ice.

May God bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you in this winter season. And may you learn the way of joy as you stay in His presence.

God bless you,

Love,

theblessingsgirl

The Row Boat

When a friend asks you how you are dealing with the process of going through the loss of two people you love, one to death and the other to a break up, you have one of two answers to give. Theres the “I’m alright, it will all work itself out” response. Or you dig deep. Thankfully I have been blessed with such friends to pour out my “digging deep” response to. And that was just what I did.

I pondered the question about how I am dealing with the process, that she asked, and all I could picture was myself sitting out on a row boat in the middle of a raging sea. As I am in this row boat I am trying my hardest to work against the storm; I am doing everything I can to get to safety away from the crashing waves. But they keep coming, one after the other, after the other, and it seems like it will never end. The row boat being my faith, Jesus being my safety, and the waves as my struggles and emotions; this is the illustration I described to my friend to answer her question.

This conversation came back to me again today, and I started to think more about my illustration. And I started getting frustrated at God. I cried out to Him saying, “God what have I done? I have sought You over and over again in this hard season. I have clung to every word you have said as if they were my lifeline! I have chased after you with everything I have, pouring out my heart, spilling out all my tears, surrendering this season to you. And yet I still hurt; Oh God it is such an unbearable hurt! And I still struggle with deep temptations and fears. You have even allowed new struggles to surface that I didn’t even think would in this season! Yet through it all I have strived to be everything You need me to be. But how much longer do I have to go on without any relief? How much longer will you allow these mountain waves to crash on top of me?Will you allow them to crush me down to pulp until there is nothing left of me? Is that what you want God?

“Yes,” replied the Lord.

“I want you to have nothing left within you. No more human flesh ruling over you. No more weak human strength to rely on. No more fighting for control over a future that you have no idea what it holds. No more weak attempts at good works to be your salvation. No more impurities in your relationships. No more trusting in the lies of the Devil that convince you that you are not worthy, that convince you that I AM is not enough. No more self.”

“All of these things you have built for your foundation. It is now time to watch them crumble and fall. It may seem like your whole world is falling apart, but trust Me, I am just beginning to show you what true living is. Let me show you. Surrender to my grace. Allow Me to build my firm foundation within you. Yes, this process will be hard and it will be painful. But watch as you start emerging from the fiery furnace and come out as pure gold. Watch because I am making a new thing out of you. Trust me. I care for you. I love you,” says the Lord.

Now take this with a grain of salt, because this was just my time alone with God. This is what I was comforted with in my desperation. But biblically these promises line up with scripture. And that’s how God speaks to us.

So seek Him out. Wrestle in your hard season. But cling to truth and trust that God is good no matter what. Do not let the Devil have a foothold in your life by planting bitterness. Don’t be afraid to give God your hurt, you can trust Him with it. You might not like the process He allows you to go through. But trust that there will be growth in it. Surrender and watch what He does. He loves you and cares for you in every season of life. Hold on to that truth.

God bless you,

Love,

theblessingsgirl

 

Jesus Wept…

I used to be so envious of women on TV who could cry those nice neat slow tear streaked cries. Granted it was probably fake and just some type of eye drop trick, but even still it didn’t stop the jealousy. Here I was always getting these red rimmed puffy eye lids and blotchy faced. And rather than slow streaks from my eyes, I would start getting them out of my nose. And then the tears would finally follow. Crying for me was not a pretty sight is what I am trying to get at. And to this day it still isn’t. But something has changed for me. A deep sorrow has come in my life, that now makes it so easy for the tears to start spilling. The red blotchy face and booger streaking nose have no time to catch up with the tears I catch running down my face when this sorrow hits. I no longer envy that perfect tear streaked face from the women on TV. Because even though they may have been acting and it was all fake, I know the cost of that look. That cost was losing someone very precious to me.

There is a repeating description of this thing called grief and it is that it comes and goes in waves. There are good days and then bad ones. It is even in just moments; one moment you are ok and the next it’s this overwhelming flood of emotion(s). Something comes to your attention that brings you back to a memory or just a reminder of the person and thats all it takes. The sorrow is always constant, and it just might be the new normal. You try to be grateful for the time you got to have with the person, but a deep bitterness threatens to replace it because you just want them back. But what good will it do to give into this bitterness? It will never bring them back.

So you come to a cross roads. You can live in the bitterness and be surrounded by despair for the rest of your life. Or maybe you can walk another path that allows you to live in the sorrow, but not in despair. A path that allows you to see how blessed you were to have been loved by them and to have loved them in return. One that hopes in a day you can meet them again in heaven. You see, one path lives a life keeping God out of the picture. It’s one that doesn’t allow Him in because you put the blame and hate on Him for the hurt. But the other path lives trusting in a God that gave (and is still giving) the best gift of being able to experience love. And that love will never die because we can hope in the promise of eternal life.

Despair wants us to lose sight of the hope we have in Christ Jesus. It tries to separate us from the love we have in Him. But Romans 8:38-39 says that nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God. Yes the battle is hard and the pain is real. And sometimes it feels like God is against us. But if we would just walk out on the crashing waves and have the courage to trust that God’s love really will never be separated from us, than maybe we can walk the path that leads to hope even in the hardest of times.

God’s love is near to the brokenhearted and He saves those crushed in spirit (psalm 34:18). He will heal and bind up our wounds (psalm 147:3). Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted (Matthew 5:3-4). These promises I will hold tight to. My soul desperately needs them, because it is the truest hope I have. Psalm 23:5 mentions that God makes our cup overflow. He provides infinitely more than we can imagine. Yet here in this place my cup feels empty, like I’ve run dry. My face may be streaked with tears, but my soul thirsts. In this desperation to fill my cup again, I know the only place to go is to God. So it is here I start to cling. It is here I take a gulp of the living water. It is in this place that He restores my soul. Grace is more alive here. Love is so much more intimate. I can truly say that I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord.

“Jesus wept” (John 11:35). This statement has been such a comfort to me in this season. It just goes to show the depth of Jesus’s love for us. He was weeping because of the death of His good friend, Lazarus. He was mourning with the loved ones around the grave. And I know He was doing the same for my dear sister and friend. Jesus was there in our pain and will continue to be in this grieving process. For His love is great. So it is this path I will walk, the one with Him along side me.

I am praying for anyone else who may be experiencing grief. I pray you would remain at the feet of Jesus, clinging to His promises. I pray you experience the greatness of His grace and love in this hard time. He is faithful and good. I pray your heart can be softened to that truth. Trust in Him as He shows you more of His heart.

God Bless you,

Sincerely,

The Blessings Girl.

A Journey to Freedom

How can you go from a place of imprisonment to a place of power? From chains to freedom?

Sin has me feeling so dirty. It has me feeling like a disgusting pile of dirty rags; used up, worthless, and unwanted. I feel like everything I touch I taint, like the bleeding woman who by social status was unclean, and that everything she touched would become unclean too (Matthew 9:20-22). Oh if only I had the faith of that woman. If only I had the courage to touch the edge of Jesus’ cloak to be healed. But can I really hope in the healing? Can Jesus save, even me, from my uncleanliness? Does He even want to?

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11: 28-30). Am I missing something Jesus? Am I so blind to see where this easy and light burden is? Because right now it doesn’t feel so easy and not at all light. What does this verse mean? Teach me, Jesus please, because I am drowning.

Three verses I am led to as I seek wisdom on how to understand affliction as well as Gods light and easy burden/yoke: Isaiah 48:10, 1 Peter 1:7, and Proverbs 17:3. All speaking of being tested through fire. The fire of affliction purifies our hearts, removing any ungodly way within us. It strengthens our faith and sets our hearts on the path of righteousness. His burden is truly light, but oh how rebellious our hearts are making it seem more painful than it needs to be. It is in the SURRENDER that we finally start to see how easy and light His burden really is. When we surrender we finally begin to understand that He truly is good no matter the situation. We start by surrendering the lies we live on, the stubbornness to have control, the very idea of what the world tells us living is. There is a sweet release when we let go of our own understanding of things and learn to trust in His. The process is not easy since we still have an earthly body, and the sin that comes with it, to deal with. But there is a grace so real that sweeps over us through it.

This leads me to 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-18: “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed… Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” So as our faith is strengthened in the fire, our hearts our positioned to hope in the eternal glory that is coming. When we surrender our lives for His purpose then we gain this eternal glory. And it is all because Jesus first surrendered His life so that we might gain life in Him.

It’s not about trusting in my own strength and abilities, but all about trusting in His. I believe that when He says He has overcome the world, He really has overcome the world and all its sinful ways including my own (John 16:33). I believe that when He says He will provide an escape from temptation, He really will provide the escape so that I may not fall into its trap (1 Corinth. 10:13). And when He says He will never leave me nor forsake me, He will never leave me nor forsake me (Joshua 1:5). He is faithful and good to His word. He doesn’t lie and He will never change (1 Samuel 15:29). He is trust worthy. He is faithful. And He is good. My God is powerful. So I WILL soar on the wings like eagles. I WILL run and not grow weary. I WILL walk and not be faint. Because I hope in a God who is mighty and able (Isaiah 40:31).

Although pain and suffering my be present in my life, there is also unconditional love through the grace of Christ. A grace that overcame the grave so no longer can the sting of death and sin touch me (Romans 6:9; 1 Corinth. 15:55-57). A grace that covers over a multitude of sins so that I can no longer be condemned (James 5:20; Romans 8:1). A grace that washes me white as snow so that I can no longer be called “unclean” (Isaiah 1:18). There is goodness in me because Christ is within me. I am enough because He was enough. I am lovely because He has made me lovely through His grace and love. No longer do I taint things, but rather by His grace I can leave traces of His love all around me. A love so great it can set any prisoner free.

A Valentine’s Day Testimony

Dear Blog,

Today is Valentine’s Day and I really don’t know how to feel about it. I am stuck in the place of contentment in my singleness, yet also longing for the beauty of love and the joy it can bring. But even in this state I am still able to take something from this Valentine’s Day.

Working in customer service, you get to observe all kinds of people and the differences between each of them. Without even knowing a person, you get to see glimpses of their lives. For me, I love that sort of thing. There is something so intriguing about how people work and the different ways they react to things. And how interestingly enough all of our stories are meeting together in one common place where we each play a part in each others stories in someway. With all of that, I come into work doing my job while simultaneously observing the people I serve. And today I observed some different reactions to this particular day.

One observance I had made was of a lady sitting by a window. And as she looked out the window a man passed by. She watched as this man strolled past with another woman at his side. I had previously witnessed this lady by the window and that same man together a while back, but haven’t seen them come in together in a long time. As I continued to work, I again passed by the lady by the window a moment later, and caught a glimpse of her wiping away tears. It didn’t take long to connect the dots. And as I observed this lady’s hurt, I was hurting right there with her. I know the feeling all too well of watching someone you had once allowed your heart to love, now be off to the next infatuation. All the while you are left behind picking up the pieces of your heart they had so carelessly torn apart. This kind of love is painful and creates a thick wall of bitterness around the heart.

Other observations I had made were of a lot of admirable stories of the plans husbands had come up with to show their affection and love to their wives; surprising them with roses and gifts without even having to be asked. To see the light in the eyes of the wives who spoke of it, sparked hope in my own heart of what could come; to one day feel as cherished and loved by a man like they are. Not just for a passionate moment in a lustful relationship, like I have experienced before, but in a lasting committed relationship. I hope for the moment when this particular day can be a day to look forward to instead of dread.

So this is why I don’t really know how to feel about this day. I see and relate to the pain that comes with love. But I also see and have tasted the sweetness it has to offer. Where, then, do I stand in the battlefield of love? Do I stand and fight on the side of pain and bitterness? Or do I fight for and hope in the beauty love has to offer? But as I stood their in the midst of the people I had observed, it dawned on me that I don’t have to fight on either side. But rather I can use the experiences I have had to aid people on both sides.

For those who have lost in love and now are left with the sting and pain, I can relate to them. I can reach in and extend compassion from a heart that sympathizes with the hurt. I can share my experience and welcome them in to the healing process that I myself had received. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” So, although I have known the worst of pain in heartbreak, I have also known the sweetest embrace of a loving God who heals. And I can help others know that too. And for those who have won in love and are living in the beauty of it, I can rejoice with them, because I have been able to experience a glimpse of it too. I may not know much about it, but I am hopeful in the beauty of it.

Romans 12: 15 commands us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” So that is how I am choosing to fight for love. To step in and extend the compassion and comfort that was extended to me in my own broken and hurting place, while at the same time genuinely rejoicing with those who are experience the sweetness of loves beauty. Knowing that it is truly something to be cherished and hoped for. That it is worth searching and waiting for.

Ultimately, this Valentine’s Day has shown me that His effortless, unconditional love is surrounding me constantly. I really have no reason to desire anything more, because I truly have it all in Him already. I have a peace that can not be shaken the closer I get to Him. I am continually growing as I learn to trust in Him in all life’s seasons. I have a faith more sure as He keeps revealing His great faithfulness to me. And I have a love made more real as His glorious grace washes over my soul again and again.

Oh how great is my God.

And Oh How I long for all to know His kind of love this Valentine’s Day.

Sincerely,

theblessingsgirl

 

Beautifully Intertwined

I have recently finished the book Daring to Hope by Katie Davis Majors, and WOW! What an amazing book that testifies to God’s goodness in and through it all. Such a powerful book and I strongly encourage everyone to read it! If you do happen to read it and come across pages 130-132, you will read a beautiful testimony of how intentional God is in every detail of our lives. The testimony is how God used Katie to welcome her sweet friend, Betty, into God’s arms. She was able to read a part of Revelations 21 over Betty and as she ended in “Amen” Betty breathed her last. She was taken into the Lord’s arms and brought into heaven. She was no longer suffering, but rejoicing with her Father. And how beautiful it must have been to witness and play a part in. And so began my inspiration for this blog as God began speaking to me through it.

I began my week with this reminder, of how God is beautifully intertwined in all of our lives. He is in every hurt and in every healing. He is in every mess and in every victory. He is in every cry and in every laugh. He is in every detail. Psalm 139 is such a beautiful description of just how much God is intertwined in our lives. Verse 13 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” And in verse 3, it states, “You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.” From the very beginning of our lives God has been intertwined; so intimately involved. Even in the darkest places of our lives, when we feel no presence of God, He is still with us. “If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light becomes night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is light to you” (verse 11-12). Nothing can keep Him from us. He is a God that is persistent and faithful and true. He will continue to pursue us and remind us how near He is. And He is so creative in showing us just how near He is.

In my bible reading I came across Luke 22:8-13, “Jesus sent Peter and John, saying, ‘Go and make preparations for us to eat the Passover.’ ‘Where do you want us to prepare for it?’ they asked. He replied, ‘As you enter the city, a man carrying a jar of water will meet you. Follow him to the house that he enters, and say to the owner of the house, ‘The Teacher asks: Where is the guest room, where I may eat the Passover with my disciples?’ He will show you a large upper room, all furnished. Make preparations there.’ They left and found things just as Jesus had told them. So they prepared the Passover.” As I read this I was again reminded of how detailed God is in His workings; how specific and purposeful they are. Not only is he using Peter and John in preparing this Passover, but He brings in others to play a part in bringing it all together. And I am brought back to Katie Davis Majors and Betty and how God intertwined their lives to beautifully display His glory in life and in death. In her last chapter Katie states, “All our stories and the intricate way they have been woven together whisper of His glory, His wild pursuit of each of us. His unending grace and love and kindness reach to us, saving us, drawing us to Him. We can be mended only if we have been broken, and so often it is in the mending that we feel most clearly His tender heart toward us. Every detail of each story is His grace, His gift to remake us in His image and rename us: His” (page 193).

Have you ever received a random encouraging word from someone and it was exactly what you needed to hear? Or ever received a random gift on a really bad day that made it better? I say random, but really it is far from random. God sees our hurts and looks intently at our hearts. He knows what we need and He sends people our way to meet that need. These are ways He shows us that He is a personal, intimate God. It shows that He is still good even when things don’t go as we planned. We unfortunately will always face struggles in this broken world. But if we allow ourselves to see the work of His hands in every detail of our lives, we will start to see that even in the broken and hard places, He is still good; that He is making beauty from our ashes. Oh how beautifully intertwined He really is.

I pray that God would allow you to see His goodness in everything. I pray that you would see the work of His hands, even in the hurting places. And as you seek Him I pray you feel His presence near you, comforting you and loving you. I pray you would hold on to the truth that He is beautifully intertwined in every detail of your life.

God bless you!

Love,

theblessingsgirl